Acquiescence.

The feelings that I have are not unique. The situations I have lived to get me to this point are nothing special. But now I am here, alone, terrified of what the future may look like. The way in which I have made her feel, distant and alienated from my love will define me from this point forward, and although she deserves a portion of the blame as well, for the way she has dealt with those feelings, I now resign myself to a life without the love of the woman I took vows with.

She is an amazing woman, who deserves the type of love that makes her so happy every moment of the day. I was unable to give that to her, even though she was that person for me. She is so fucking smart, and absolutely stunning. She has the sharp wit you would expect from a woman with her intellect. She caring, when she chooses to be, and a wonderful mother. She has an intoxicating eyes, and as I have said before a sheepish smile that can warm your heart. She is self-deprecating with a very unusual sense of comedic timing. She is sexy, and still manages to appear coy with her flirtation. The pain she feels in her heart, I feel too. My heart will forever mirror hers. She is the woman who I want to fall asleep with, and certainly the one who I want to share breakfast with everyday for the rest of my life. She is my picture of perfect, and I will never have a greater love then her.

I will forever be tied to her because of the amazing life we have built together through good and bad. I know that my children will adapt to the life we are about to tear away from them because they are brilliant, and strong due to the way the two of us, together, have raised and developed them. I love those boys with every fragment of my being, and I know they love me the same way. But the feelings of despair and darkness still fill my empty room at night, and there is a cold side of my bed that cannot be warmed by my feelings alone. The cold side, her side, I refuse to occupy on the off chance that one day my great love comes back to me. No one other than her can ever fill that space that is left.

Our lives will run in parallel due to our children, and I am cursed by the vision that forever I will be close enough to view her but never close enough to feel the warm embrace that only she is capable of providing me.

 


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