For months all I have wanted was to move from sadness and despair to anger. Pure genuine anger, but I have been unable to do that. The majority of the problem we have are evenly.. We have both made our fair share of mistakes in our marriage. But now those mistakes have reached a crux.
I have felt lost and tormented by the way that my marriage has been destroyed. I have been resentful that my wife was unable to assist me with my problems and reached out to another guy to fill a void. I was broken about the fact that my marriage would end with me feeling broken and her feeling occupied. Most of all I was disappointed that there was not a baseline of respect and decency to end things before looking for something else.
After today, I believe, for now, all of those feelings have been put to rest. Today, I am mad. Today is the day when things went to a simple A-to-B emotion like anger. Today is the day that my marriage ended, and tomorrow will be the day my new life begins!
Anger is a simple thing to understand, and a simple thing to get over. There is no complexity with rage, just reaction. I have wished for this and now I have gotten it. The process was arduous, however. It took a lot of tears, broken dreams, and shattered memories. It took the fracturing of a family, the altering of 2 beautiful young lives, and the failure of 2 adults, but we have gotten there. Nothing is more selfish than what we have done. Our inability to express ourselves in a healthy way, discuss our feelings, be vulnerable, and interact in the manor our vows suggested, have forever altered the definition of a relationship for our children.
We, and I do mean we, have failed our children. We get to start over again, and re-create our lives, but their innocence, and the way they view love will never be the same. It is a failure of epic proportions, and should not be forgiven. We have done a disservice to them and we should both be ashamed with our actions.
Today I got my wish. I am angry as hell. Yet, it still doesn’t change the fact we have forever changed the ones most important to us. Our kids.
Anger is simple, and maybe that’s the problem… People aren’t.