I am terrified of the next step in my adult life, if this happen to be that next chapter. I am on the precipice of major change to my life, and I don’t want it to be the case. I want normalcy back, just a happy marriage with my beautiful wife and my amazing kids. Unfortunately, that is out of my control.
Friends and family are starting to become worried about me. Thinking I am too lonely, fixated on being left behind, and maybe even being scared of moving on. Everyone wants me to sign up for some online dating shit, like Tinder. Not to hookup with people but to build confidence. Right now my self image is shot, I have no confidence, I have self-doubt coming from everywhere. Things that I had previously thought I had excelled at are now huge question marks. I have lost sight of who I am, and maybe I am ever a little scared of finding out that I am not good enough.
Being essentially single in the modern era is terrifying. My wife found someone to be with before leaving our relationship, so she hasn’t had to experience this yet. The last time I went on dates a large segment of the population wasn’t even carrying cell phones, let alone GPS trackers for booty calls. Wow, times have changed. As it turns out, I may be too much of a throwback to be able to do this aloof dating style of today.
For me, the process of dating should being with the courage to walk up and say hi. I really feel that step is one of primary importance. Having the ability to read a persons body language versus a finely manufactured set of words written from afar. The bullshit and manipulation is so easy to process, when you don’t need to look someone in the eye. The process of “courtship” has been completely altered. Gone it seems, are the days of the gentleman. Now we exist in a world where a guy taking his shirt of and flexing for a gym selfie is considered enough. It makes me sad, and I truly hope most women looking for the “hot” vapid guy. If that is the end game I can’t compete.
I am intelligent, caring, passionate, witty, self-deprecating, and I don’t believe I am some sort of an ogre in the looks department. I won’t be winning any beach body competitions in the near future, but I believe maybe I can offer more than shirtless selfies in the long run. I can always get abs, the other stuff may be hard to come by.
Shit, maybe that should be my dating profile 🙂