Today, I took a big step in my recovery. Today, I took on a massive fear that has been firmly planted on top of my shoulder. Today, I decided to go back to work.
The restaurant industry is a mental meat grinder. Everyday is turmoil and chaos. Buzzing, beeping, screaming, swearing. It is loud, volatile, and primarily, unpredictable. Unquestionably, it is the worst industry ever for someone who has a brain like me. So, I faced my fear and went back to my work place with a long list of needs and demands. Specific hours with specific functions, for example, I wont be able to do any of the actually functions of my hired job, Sous Chef and Assistant kitchen manager, strictly office work and low-stress Front of House tasks.
“These asks are completely fucking Outrageous, Marc!!!” Was my expectation, instead what happened was mind blowing. She said “Whatever it takes to get you back, we will accept! Better off with some of you that none of you at all. Also, the staff will get a big lift from this!” Never have I felt so relived. I thought for sure my termination notice would be placed firmly on the table and I would be told to walk into oncoming traffic, and as of this point that has no happened.
In life we all of lists for everything. Every part of our life is measured by checking things off. Well with PTSD you always check things off with pencil not pen, because you never know when you will have to take a step back from things.
Today, I checked a big thing off of my list. Frankly, I don’t give a fuck whether it was pencil or pen. It’s marked all the same 🙂