It is so hard to write about my sons when I feel so down about everything right now. They are everything to me. When life gets hard, almost too hard, I can take 1 glance at them and know that I can get through the darkest times. Despite the fact that they are so young, nearly 5 and 7, I learn so much from them everyday. Frequently that lesson is patience, but it is also about pure love. When I feel like a failure, or miserable about where my life at, they still love me and admire me like I am a superhero. They see the spectacular version of myself, that I lost sight of years ago. Its amazing to think that they are a part of me, a continuance of my life in certain ways.
The most amazing thing about them is their individuality already. They seem like the have it really figured out at such a young age. My wife deserves a lot of credit for them being so great. She figured out ways to make them feel so special and unique from the time they were babies. She and I let them explore their creativity, let them choose their fashion, experience their own music, discover everything they may like. Some of that was obviously poor parenting decisions. But every parent makes a questionable decision or 2 along the way.
I let my older son watch Jurassic Park at age 4. We ran out of dinosaur shows and he desperately wanted to be a paleontologist, he still does in fact, but at that moment in time I was willing to trust his ability to judge whether he could handle something like that. The shock occurred in the initial scene when the raptor takes the guy from the truck and I said “Are you ok buddy? Too scary?” and he responded calmly with “I’m fine Daddy, that man shouldn’t have been so close to those dinosaurs!”. He has always been extremely rational, my minion, my pork chop, my little mirror image. He is an amazing big brother, already a straight-A’s student basically, and he drips awareness and compassion. I could not be more proud of this kid. He is a marvel in my eyes, just gorgeous, uncomfortably intelligent, and amazingly adaptive. He is the only 6-year-old I will ever consider taking life advice from. I love him more than words can describe.
My younger son is his polar-opposite. Wild, energetic, fearless, and tough, yet he is still the most affectionate child I have ever seen. 1 second he may be shrieking in your face but the next he is sobbing in a heap in your lap, telling you that he loves you more than anything and smothering you with kisses. He is so sensitive for a crazy kid. He also happens to be exceptionally athletic as well, he find little interest in school at this young age. He is still a very capable student and extremely smart when he settles himself and focuses on a task. Athletically, however, he sets himself apart from other kids. He can hit a baseball an impressive distance, he throws well, his hand-eye coordination is exceptional for a kid, and most of all he is tenacious. In everything he does there is a level of tenacity that comes from his soul. He wants to be the best at everything, he wants to compete, even against adults he feels he can win any battle. Wrestling with him has actually become a workout. He has the biggest heart I have ever witnessed, child or adult, it doesnt matter. His will, heart and determination is unmatched. My little Peanut, he is so amazing to me, and I love him more than words can ever describe.
I am so fortunate to be their father, and see them grow. Our only job as parents is to keep them safe, and keep them believing that anything in this life is possible. I believe that both of my children have no limits on how exceptional they can be. Believe me when I say I could not be more proud to be their father. Every part of my life is dedicated to those boys, and I hope I can be half the man in life that they see when the look at me.
This is another post that I will not re-read or edit. This is from the heart. I love you Carrick. I love you Odin.