Prior to being diagnosed with PTSD, I was a calm, rational man. Maybe the most measured, rational man anyone around me knew. I didn’t take risks, I wasn’t spontaneous, and I took for granted so many of the wonderful things in front of me because I was to busy thinking about what could happen in the periphery. After my crisis, and my subsequent diagnosis I realized that my issues weren’t based around fear and phobia but control. I was a control freak, well to be fair I still am but I’m working on it.
My lack of spontaneity is probably the reason for most of the immediate issues in my life. Whether they be professional, relationship, physical or mental health. I take the fun out of life. I’m trying really hard to not do that any more, but its hard when its how you are built. I am the guy who has a near panic attack if i’m only going to be 5 minutes early, and that isn’t an exaggeration. I control every aspect of my life, and because of that I have pushed away a lot of the people I care about.
I write a lot about self-discovery and dreams. The reason I do that is simple, obviously I want to achieve mine still, but even more so, I want to inspire other people to not take for granted the life that is in front of them, Carpe fucking Diem, because once it slips by those moments are dead, never to be relived or retried again. My scars and my mistakes, I will wear on my sleeve forever, like everyone else, and I don’t wish them to be gone, but the regrets that caused those scars will haunt us all forever.
Don’t be afraid to live an authentic life, that is based around your true ideals. Don’t force yourself to conform to other peoples ideas of normalcy, their timelines around success, or industry that they deem to be of value. Live your dreams every day, it is easier to tell people to fuck off, when you are completely happy in your process. Hell, if I was a single man, I would probably be living in an RV driving all over North and South America writing and experiencing culture because that is what carries value to me.
I want to be extraordinary, in the most basic of ways.